Help with family and my toddler?

you are the parents and if they aren't going to do things the way you ask then they don't need special privileges. if they are not going to follow your rules when they have her for the day then they don't need to have her for the day. if they keep buying things that you don't need or want than don't keep them. either give them back, donate them to a charity, or save until it is age appropriate. my MIL was like this with my SIL and my husband and i were not going to let it happen with our kids. she has yet to get any special privileges and when she over buys we have no problem not keeping everything. we have told her not to go crazy and she doesn't listen. if they want to waste their money on stuff that you aren't going to keep (after you have told them to stop) then that is their prerogative. basically i think you and your husband need to sit down with them and tell them exactly what you want and need from them and tell them that if they can't do as you ask than you need to do what you think is best for your kids...even if that means no more days out with the grandparents or what ever you decide. they will either come around and do as you ask or they won't but at least you will know where you stand and you can parent your kid as you see fit.